Monday, February 11, 2013

Taking Stock....Again

It seems I'm always revisiting how my life is going feeling that if I don't do this exercise I'm just going to wander where the wind blows. This is how I've been feeling since early Thursday morning when the stomach cramps and the horrible headache commenced. Yes, the dreaded flu visited me and still lingers if only by a thread. I had too much down time, too much time to think...not  always a good thing.

I'd been thinking about purchasing life insurance for some time. When I was married we had some term insurance on my then husband but never on me. (I did learn today that term insurance can skyrocket when you get older so don't get it. Get whole life. Premiums stay the same forever.) So today I finally purchased some from a friend of mine who I trust and have known for several years. That's a  start, I think. I've also got some ideas of how to supplement my income without ruining my health and I'm going to begin working on that as a mission plan for my future.

I feel blessed in my family. I have difficulty reading or hearing about "perfect" marriages. I don't think standing on my head or joining his religion would have saved mine and I would have betrayed my own heart in doing so--but it does make me sad to think that I wasn't enough. I know I'm not perfect but I'm willing to compromise on most things but not on the fundamentals. In the end people remind me that I have 7 amazing children, their spouses and my dear, sweet grandchildren. They are right in reminding me but there will always be that hole in my heart where I once loved with my whole being someone who I thought loved me. (I think the wambulance is coming!) I have to laugh at myself.

I don't feel right about persuing a man...on-line dating is frightening to say the least. Since I watched a woman in my ward chase after a man much younger than herself and in a relationship, I've seen how horrible that looks. I know in the "new world" it's supposed to be acceptable for women to hit on men but for me that's so desperate! So unless a great man shows some interest, I'm where I am moving forward on my own in my life.

Don't think I don't have plans because I do. They will sound like I'm hanging on the lives of my children but they are part of me.
  • Getting Taylor on his mission
  • Staying healthy!! So sick of being sick this winter!
  • Exercise, exercise, exercise!
  • Visiting Cheri and Daniel in Cali for Thanksgiving
  • Hanging out with my little peeps--the grandkids as often as I can
  • painting my house
  • Going to the temple more
  • etc etc etc
So much to do!

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